“Well ...no... I don’t "work" work... I mean not with a "regular" job....I mean....I’m umm…I’m a … Stay-at-Home Dad."
That was generally my response to the small talk social question, "So, what do you do?" Granted, over the first few years, I had time to work on my delivery but no matter how I said it, the reaction was always the same. It was if I was speaking Swahili. The reaction from most women is ...Really!? However from men, it is a completely different story. The deer in the headlight look that follows my response has become priceless. It feels like that big white elephant in the room that no one knows how to talk about and it has happened time and time again.
The first time I noticed that situation was about a year after the kids were born. We were invited to an event which was to be the first time that my wife and I had really “socially surfaced” since the kids were born. Within a couple of hours of mingling, I had somehow managed to exclude myself from the large group of guys who were talking the normal stuff, sports, current events, whatever … I realized, for the first time in my life, that I was completely out of my element. For the past year, I had been taking care of our twins and missed very few diaper changes along the way. If they wanted to talk about formula, types of diapers, or feeding schedules then I was your man, but it was truly an eye opening experience for me. Heck, I was the guy with a Science/Biology Degree, who played Collegiate Rugby in college, had years of "meet and greets" as an Actor, and who is an avid Sports Fanatic… what happened?
No doubt, that in my parent’s generation, men had a very defined role as the “family provider” but today, that role and definition is evolving. In today's socio-economic climate, men are giving way to their female counter parts when it comes to bringing home the bacon. Fortune Magazine reported that over one third of its “50 Most Powerful Women in Business” had a stay-at-home spouse and according to an article in the Washington Post, the numbers of stay-at-home dads have tripled over the past decade.
There seems to also be a new type of vocabulary being created. Not that the words themselves are new, but that they are being used by men is what makes them so. Words like play dates, mommy and me classes and stay-at-home dad are slowly becoming part of the male vocabulary as well. I challenge any man to sit thru a mommy and me class for 8 months and not walk away having learned a little something new about himself. It can also be a very creative moment for a man to use the word play date in a sentence with another dad and not somehow feel like you would rather be wearing a three piece suit having a downtown power meeting regarding world affairs while picking up a game of tackle football on your lunch break.
With a tool belt in one hand and a diaper bag in the other, stereotypes have begun to change. There is a huge dynamic shift that is taking place and I feel like I not only bought a front row seat to this unprecedented statistic but also have somehow managed to become part of the main attraction. A few years down the road who knows what tomorrow may bring but, for now, I am exactly where I need to be... providing for my family as a stay-at-home dad. Twitter
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