What now or Now what !?!

At a young age, I learned patience and tolerance and have tried to lived my life holding fast to these virtues.  However, since the arrival of our twins in 2007, I seem to be relearning their definitions on a daily basis.  Over these past several years, my wife and I have been very blessed that I have been able to be a stay at home dad to our children.  Once my wife returned to work, anxiety (now my new BFF) set in, leaving me to ponder, how am I going to do this?  That mantra quickly flew out the window the minute reality set in and realized that there wasn't anyone else in the room.  It is just me and the kids.  You figure it out and deal with it.

My wife and I read practically everything under the sun regarding being first time parents but nothing truly prepares you for raising two (or more) at the same time.  The opinions in the books are merely educated guesses, at best, but it is all of those things that "they" do not tell you or write about that becomes life lessons learned.  For instance, how do you evenly divide your rapidly depleting patience level, between two children who are constantly demanding 110% of it at every waking moment... and it is not even lunch time yet?  We are currently dealing with the age of 7 now and I am still asking myself that very same question on a daily basis.  Our son and daughter are two incredibly spirited, wonderfully imaginative children whose main ambition (at least for the time being) seems to be to make my life complete and utter chaos.  I can remember people telling us, "Just wait until they start walking, it will get easier".  At one year old, they began to walk (in different directions, of course, which made routine weekly shopping an "adventure" to say the least)  At two years of age people said, "The "attitude of the two's" is nothing, just wait until they are three"...now they say, "That's nothing, Just wait until they are four"... what gives?  I am beginning to get a sense that nobody really has a firm grasp on the whole parenting thing.  Except to say that there is nothing there to firmly grasp because every day is in a constant state of evolution.

Basically, this is what I have figured out thus far.  When it comes to the raising of our children, nobody knows better than me (and my wife of course), nobody can tell you what is right for your children but me (and my wife of course) and nobody could have possibly prepared me for this incredible journey that lies before me but me (and my...well.. no that was just me).  All the books and experts out there, as informative as they can be,  are no substitution for trusting your instinct when you are in the thick of it.   Other than that, from sunrise to sunset, everyday is an adventure.  There was a point and time in my life where I would see the sun come up for very different reasons, nowadays, I watch the sun come up and, seeing the world thru their beautiful eyes, it's always a great day.  Now, if you will excuse me, I have to go save a princess who has been taken aboard a stinky toed pirate ship. Twitter

Today’s Mr. Mom

“Well ...no... I don’t "work" work... I mean not with a "regular" job....I mean....I’m umm…I’m a … Stay-at-Home Dad."

That was generally my response to the small talk social question, "So, what do you do?"  Granted, over the first few years, I had time to work on my delivery but no matter how I said it, the reaction was always the same.  It was if I was speaking Swahili. The reaction from most women is ...Really!?  However from men, it is a completely different story.  The deer in the headlight look that follows my response has become priceless.  It feels like that big white elephant in the room that no one knows how to talk about and it has happened time and time again.

The first time I noticed that situation was about a year after the kids were born. We were invited to an event which was to be the first time that my wife and I had really “socially surfaced” since the kids were born.  Within a couple of hours of mingling, I had somehow managed to exclude myself from the large group of guys who were talking the normal stuff, sports, current events, whatever … I realized, for the first time in my life, that I was completely out of my element.  For the past year, I had been taking care of our twins and missed very few diaper changes along the way.  If they wanted to talk about formula, types of diapers, or feeding schedules then I was your man, but it was truly an eye opening experience for me.  Heck, I was the guy with a Science/Biology Degree, who played Collegiate Rugby in college, had years of "meet and greets" as an Actor, and who is an avid Sports Fanatic… what happened?

No doubt, that in my parent’s generation, men had a very defined role as the “family provider” but today, that role and definition is evolving.  In today's socio-economic climate, men are giving way to their female counter parts when it comes to bringing home the bacon.  Fortune Magazine reported that over one third of its “50 Most Powerful Women in Business” had a stay-at-home spouse and according to an article in the Washington Post, the numbers of stay-at-home dads have tripled over the past decade.  

 There seems to also be a new type of vocabulary being created.  Not that the words themselves are new, but that they are being used by men is what makes them so.  Words like play dates, mommy and me classes and stay-at-home dad are slowly becoming part of the male vocabulary as well.  I challenge any man to sit thru a mommy and me class for 8 months and not walk away having learned a little something new about himself.   It can also be a very creative moment for a man to use the word play date in a sentence with another dad and not somehow feel like you would rather be wearing a three piece suit having a downtown power meeting regarding world affairs while picking up a game of tackle football on your lunch break.

 With a tool belt in one hand and a diaper bag in the other, stereotypes have begun to change.  There is a huge dynamic shift that is taking place and I feel like I not only bought a front row seat to this unprecedented statistic but also have somehow managed to become part of the main attraction.  A few years down the road who knows what tomorrow may bring but, for now, I am exactly where I need to be... providing for my family as a stay-at-home dad. Twitter